Andy's Land of Adventure

And she's dancing like she's never danced before

I freakin' love this song! Maniac from Flashdance if you don't know. Just thought I'd share that with you!

Claire
Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night
Looking for the fight of her life
In the real time world no one sees her at all
They all say she's crazy

Marjorie
Locking rythms to the beat of her heart
Changing movement into the light
She has danced into the danger zone
When the dancer becomes the dance.

Coralie
It can cut you like a knife
If the gift becomes the fire
On the wire between will and what will be

L5
She's a maniac on the floor
And she's dancing maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before

Alexandra
On the ice bleu line of insanity
Is a place most never see
It's a hard won place of mystery
Touch it but can't hold it

Lydy
You word all your life for that moment in time
It can come or pass you by
It's push, shove world but there's always a chance
If the hunger stays the night

Coralie
There's a cold kinetic heat
Struggling, stretching for the peak
Never stopping with her head against the wind

L5
She's a maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before
She's a maniac maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before

Coralie
It can cut you like a knife
If the gift becomes the fire
On the wire between will and what will be

L5
She's a maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before
She's a maniac maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before

I also love this one. Flashdance is so damn cool. I want to dance like this. Sure it's girly, but look at the flips!!!

Movin' on up now!

Upgrades are the best. Whether you're getting a new phone, a new computer or whatever, people love their new little toys and gadgets. I know I do, so imagine my joy that I got the chance to go out and buy a new camera.

Sure, I'd only had my lovely little Fuji FinePix Z3 a couple of months and it's a few hundred quid down the drain, but it means that I got to buy a brand spanking new digital camera. I'd been thinking about upgrading to a digital SLR for a while and this ended up being the perfect opportunity. Who would have thought it that the best one around could be found at Argos for almost £200 off its RRP at just £112. Bargain of the year? I think so!!

The camera in question is the Fuji FinePix S5600. It's a major step up from my last one as it's an SLR and not a compact. Can I get an "mmmmmmmmm"!

So, as it was bargain of the year I snapped that one up I'll tell you. Well, I tried to anyway. After I'd hot-footed back down to the Argos on Victoria Street I was most disappointed to find that they'd sold out. I got the woman there to do a check and they had two left, and they were both in Camden, so I reserved one. Good old reservation service!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I now have one. Woo!!

It's got a lovely 10x optical zoom and a 5.7x digital zoom as well as lots of other bells and whistles that I won't bore you with for now (I've got other things to blog about and don't have the time if I'm totally honest) which basically means I can do some nice long distance things, like spy on the neighbours and suchlike

Look what it did at this long range shot of a building at night.

Standard

10x Zoom

57x Zoom

Anyway. I'm tired. I have a new camera. I need to do some stuff, I'm not prepared for tonight's show my left eye aches a little bit, I've had this blog in draft for like three days and I can't be bothered to write anymore *yawns*

Grass Roots Newsletter 2

Word of the day: Schadenfreude

I love the word schadenfreude. It's the best thing to come out of Germany in my opinion. Literally translated it means "joyful sorrow", so taking pleasure from someone elses misfortune. You could say that a bully suffers from schadenfreude for example

I like it in the right context, when no-one's actually being hurt, like in the movies or something; so imagine my joy when my favourite daily comic "Cyanide and Happiness" decided to do "Depressing Comic Week". For those of you who don't know, Cyanide and Happiness comics tend to look a bit like this...

Not this week though. This week is all about depressing comics, but damn some of them are funny. So, I thought I'd bring you my favourite of the bunch.

 

Am I a bad man for finding this funny? Is it just me?

Things that I've learnt (part 1)

It's amazing how many facts of life you can gain in one short walk to work. Today, I learnt six things, mainly about umbrellas and marketing.

1. Whoever invented the umbrella and decided to put all those pointy bits on the ends at my eye height is an idiot. If it wasn't for my ninja like reflexes and the fact that my hat has a very slight peak, I could have been blinded. Twice.

2. Two men should never share an umbrella. Seriously, even gay men. No!

3. Umbrellas are like the car for people in London who don't want to be fleeced for congestion charges. You know the kind who have to get a massive car to make up for other 'inadequacies'. I think it's the same with umbrellas. So the guy with the umbrella the size of Ipswich that I saw earlier, wipe that grin off your face. We all know you've got a penis like a shrivelled-up grape. And to all the ladies wondering, I don't even use an umbrella. **insert wink here**

4. To the other guy holding the "Discount Barbers - £7 Any Style" sign and smoking a cigarette outside Victoria Station. Mate, change your job. You look like the most bored guy on the planet. I'm sure SubWay are always looking for people to hold their signs. They probably pay more, and I'll bet you get better chances to work in some different locations. I mean, get your head down, work hard at it, and who knows, five years down the line, you may be Chief of Signs and get to tell other people where to stand.

5. And the other guy handing out... well... something. That is my point. You could have been trying to give me a voucher for Unlimited Free Lifetime Membership To Horny Jacks Lap Dancing Club and I would have said no as I had no idea what you were trying to thrust into my hand. Not that you tried that hard anyway. Get your boss to give you a top with the brand on or something. Then when I see you coming towards me with "Scientologists Anonymous" or "Save the Stick Insects" plastered all over you at least then I know it's time to get my phone out of my pocket and begin my imaginary conversation.

6. The Big Issue. Now I'm not going to say anything too bad as it's a good cause and I respect that. But they too need to work on their marketing. The guys who try to sell it to me have obviously never heard of viral, guerrilla or direct marketing strategies. No wonder I've never witnessed a sale of one.

What a morning it has been

The Good, The Bad and The Average

Well it was definitely a weekend that had a range of good and bad points about it.

Good:
Spent most of it with Becky

Good:
Got paid! *Hurrah*

Good:
Went ice-skating. I like ice-skating. Becky and I had our photos taken by some women for the National Press. I meant to check the papers over the weekend to see if they'd been used, but I forgot! Oh well, I bet they all used the posed ones of the kids in the Santa hats anyway. Stupid kids!

Good:
Had far too much to drink in a Wetherspoons and ended up stealing a glass and a menu holder. We're such rebels.

Good:
Found some funky brown pinstripe trousers for just £7.49 at a Salvation Army shop just off Oxford Street. Also got a cool "Blondie" vintage t-shirt and a hat from TopMan. Score!

Good:
Went to Guilty Pleasures in Koko on Saturday night. What a fun fest. Stupid tunes, stupid dancing, everything you need for a fun night out.

Bad:
I lost my digital camera in the club. This is a big bad thing, not so much for the camera itself, that's easily replaceable (though it is a few hundred quid down the drain), but it's the fact that I had a load of really good pictures on it that are gone forever *sigh*. Going to buy a new one today. Digital SLR style... niiiice!

Good:
I played a lot of Need for Speed Underground 2 and finished watching the first six episodes of Lost Series 3. I can't believe it's not on now until February. Gutted!

Bad:
I fell down the stairs in my flat in the dark and have cut all up my side. It hurts, I think I bruised a rib!

Good:
Chinese takeaway. Need I say anymore?

That's about it really. Was mainly good, but with a couple of kicks in the teeth along the way. This week should be eventful though as tonight is my only night off. Tomorrow I'm reviewing The Hollywood Arms restaurant in Chelsea, Wednesday I'm reviewing The Dukes Head restaurant in Putney then going to see keiretsu play a live drum 'n bass set in Camden. Thursday is radio show day and on Friday my and Bex are off down to Bournemouth for the weekend as I'm having a "catch up" weekender with all my old uni mates, which basically means we're all going to meet up and get hammered all weekend.

Should be great. I miss those guys!

Grass Roots NEWsletter

Today is a momentous day. It's the release of the first official Grass Roots newsletter. No more emails that just say "coming this week we have..." and so on. This is a full colour, interactive, all singing all dancing newsletter.
It's in it's first stages at the moment as it's the first one and will no doubt change over time, but for a first go, what do you think? (click to see in a live page)

Andrew 1 - 0 London

London is going to eat itself, puke itself back up and then eat all the sick that's lying around; that's for sure. Ever since it was annouced that we had the 2012 Olympic Games, Mr Political has been flexing his financal muscles in an effort to raise enough money to pay for all the work that's going to be have to done. So, who does he decide to give that job to? The Londoners. Of course!!! Because we're not having a hard enough time with higher tax brackets, transport systems that are about as useful as trying to gently flog someone to death with scented bootlaces, and risking living at the heart of one of the top potential holiday hotspots for Johnny Terrorist armed to the teeth with C4, AK47s or whatever the hell those kids are using these days. We'd love that extra burden too. Thanks! I mean, don't recover it from ticket sales. That would be a stupid idea!

I wouldn't mind so much if there was consistancy and things work. Take the Oyster Card for example! "From November 19th, if you don't touch in and out you will pay the maximum penalty fare for a single journey". Well my station doesn't have a fucking touch-in panel. I understand this! So does everyone else. Every except the guy selling tickets at Saint James' Street Station it seems who tells me the only way that I can get a weekly 1 and 2 travelcard is on an Oyster. "But I go from Victoria on the overground" I tell him. "It doesn't accept Oyster". The blank expression that sat in front of me was doing nothing for the frustration running through my blood at the time. "You have to have an Oyster Card for a 1 and 2 travel card". This was going nowhere. I had the exact £22.20 in my pocket needed, so I wasn't going to let this shaved monkey try and charge me three quid for a card I'd only end up using to pry open the door locks on his house and set fire to his kids. "But I usually have a paper card" I said, showing him my expired one, just to prove that they exist. "Oh, you have to get that from your station". This had to be a joke. I've had a long day at work, I've queued for the best part of 15 minutes as the ticket machine on the wall doesn't work and London Underground obviously thinks it's a good idea to have one imbred trogladite working the booths at rush hour; I have restaurant reservations for 7:30pm that I'm never going to make and I don't want to shell out £6.90 or whatever it is for a peak travelcard just because I have a few stops to make tonight! I gave up. I though "fuck it", so I went and stood outside in the cold and wet and waited for the 24 bus.

It's at this point I'd like to thank Transport for London for the well marked signs and all the advertising informing me that the 24 was on strike. If it wasn't for the helpful lady at the bus stop who overheard our grumblings about every bus except a 24 appearing, we could have been there for hours. Another 20 minutes wasted.

It was time for some financal calculations, and I summed up that if I gave in and got an Oyster with £12 of credit I could to all my journeys as singles until I got paid on Friday and could afford another card when I was at home. Cold, wet and pissed off, we treked up to Victoria Station to get an Oyster and eventually, 15 more minutes of queuing and £12 of credit later we were finally en route to the restaurant. We arrived just before 8:00pm. Victoria to Tottenham Court Road had taken us an hour and 20 minutes. Thanks again Transport for London.

It's time to fight back. Sure my shiny new piece of blue junk doesn't work at the station I travel to most nights of the week, so I decided that I'm not going to pay my fare anymore, and for the last few days I've been jumping the barriers. It's remarkably easy. Just find someone who looks like their in a rush (they walk faster), stick close behind them when they go through the barriers, and rub your wallet / purse or whatever over the card reader so it at least looks like you've registered. Obviously make sure that there's no Oyster card in your wallet when you do this. It's even easier if you have a bag. Hold it out low in front of you, right behind the persons legs. Then the beam that's on the right just after the barriers won't break and you can just stroll through.

London, I love you, but fuck off! I think I might stop paying taxes too and take my chances in court.

Half a second of fame

Ok, so it's the top of my head, and you can't tell it's me, but so what. THAT'S ME IN TNT MAGAZINE THAT IS! (yes, it deserves underlined bold italic caps)
Celebrity status here I come!!!

Where's good to go?

I've been asked to do a bit of freelance writing for a "guide to London", so I thought I'd show you the shop reviews that I've done so far. It's a light-hearted publication, as you can see

Angels
119 Shaftsbury Avenue, WC2H 8AE
(0)20 7836 567
www.fancydress.com
Whether it’s Halloween, Christmas, a hen night or you just like to dress up like a scary clown and chase the kids around Piccadilly Circus on the weekend, Angels fancy dress shop has everything you will ever need, and with a full fitting service, a mass of crazy props to suit all occasions and offering both hiring and buying options, the world’s biggest professional costume provider really does dress to impress.
Mon - Fri 9:30am – 5:30pm, Wed 10:30am – 7pm

Into You
144 St Johns Street, EC1V 4UA
(0)20 7253 5085
www.into-you.co.uk
With prices starting at £60 this world renowned tattoo parlour may make you feel a sting in your wallet as well as your arm, leg, back, face or wherever else you may choose to be coloured in; but if you’re paying someone to scribble all over your body with needles in permanent ink then it’s probably advisable to get the best in the business doing it for you. They do piercings as well you know.
Mon – Sat 12pm – 7pm

Salvation Army
9 Princes Street, W1B 2LL
(020) 7495 3958
Everyone likes a bargain, and charity shops are often Mr and Mrs Thrifty’s idea of heaven on Earth. Once I found an Armani suit in a Salvation Army store for £12 but it was just a little too small. Shame. But with two floors of retro, modern and designer goods tucked away from the hustle and bustle of Oxford Street, you’re guaranteed to find something that tickles your fancy as you rummage through the collection of 1970s dresses and the second-hand denim. It’s the only shopping your bank manager approves of.

TopMan
222 Oxford Street, W1C 1DD
(0)20 7636 7700
First job interview? Appearing in court? Then TopMan, with its range of ‘please employ me’ and ‘I didn’t mean it your honour’ suits is the place for you. Also, for the more adventurous types, you can have your very own t-shirt complete with offensive slogan and garish colours to combine with your newest ‘torn to shreds’ jeans. If it’s good enough for Michael Jackson, it’s good enough for us.

Hamleys
188-196 Regent Street, W1B 5BT
(0)20 7494 2000
www.hamleys.com
Let your inner child run free amongst the 40,000 toys that Hamleys seven floor fun-fest has to offer. As you walk around the robo-raptors, 3D games consoles and the miniature 30mph motorised cars you’ll find yourself saying things like “back in my day” and “kids these days don’t know they’re born”. There’s truly nothing like a toy shop to turn you into an old and condescending moaner… but you’ll love it all the same.
Mon – Fri 10am – 8pm, Sat 9am – 8pm, Sun 12pm – 6pm

Watkins
19 Cecil Court, Charing Cross Road, WC2N 4EZ
(0)20 7836 2182
www.watkinsbooks.com
If you ever wanted to start your own cult, then this is where you would find out how to do it. Specialising in mysticism, the occult and all things spiritual, this esoteric bookshop has literature on everything from new age wisdom to clairvoyant mumbo jumbo. You’ll be off joining a circus, or packing up your tealeaves and tarot cards into a caravan for a life following a fun-fare before you can say, “look into my crystal ball.”
Mon – Sat 11am – 7pm

Tao Sports
523 Green Lanes, N4 1AN
(0)20 8348 0870
Whether you want to emulate the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you’re an aspiring Bruce Lee or just fancy mugging people in true style, Tao Sports can provide you with the weaponry to see off most potential opponents. With everything from nunchakus to sai, and bokken to tonfa you can free the beast inside in whatever style you wish. Just be sure to stock up on some headgear too, just in case it all goes wrong.
Mon – Fri 10am – 6pm, Sat 10am – 4pm

Honour Waterloo Shop
86 Lower Marsh, SE1 7AB
(0)20 7401 8219
www.honour.co.uk
Every man has scratched his head wondering what to get his significant other for her birthday, Christmas of anniversary, but no more! Honour has everything you’ll ever need with its fine collection of sex and fetish gear. Sure she asked for some nice underwear, but leather and studded can be nice too. And everyone knows that handcuffs are pretty much the same as bracelets but with locks on. Her lips and her eyes might say no, but you’re bound to say yes, Yes, YES.

Turnkey
114-116 Charing Cross Road, WC2H 0JR
(0)20 7419 9999
www.turnkey.co.uk
Pete Tong is just wrong. Judge Jules no longer rules. Fat Boy Slim, go on a diet, or eat more, whichever applies. Begin listening to the voices and the noises in your head and get yourself down to Turnkey for everything you’ll ever need to turn those noises into ones that other people can hear with top end mics, keyboards, decks, synths and everything else you’ll ever need to have the music industry trembling at its knees. Or on its knees at least.

So... what do you think?